Nice is Nice but Monaco is Marvelous

The south of France has been good to Bill and I. We started out a little dismayed, but ended up stumbling upon some adventures and unexpected fun.

Our hotel was kind of a crap-hole, to put it nicely, and it wasn’t in a great part of the city. Our first night there we couldn’t seem to escape what we called the T-zone, or touristy area, and we were pretty sure we were going to hate this little city. When we finally got out to see the sights we were a lot happier with our predicament. Nice is a beautiful little town with lots of art all over and a sea side that is welcoming and beautiful.

Our first big venture out was to Monaco, also known as the most hoity-toity place on earth. We showed up mere mortals to a place where a bentley reeks of poverty and a yacht that doesn’t have maids isn’t quite ostentatious enough. Bill and I obviously fit right in. We took a long walk around the marina which was filled with the most ridiculous boats I’ve ever encountered. Most of them had a hot tub and numerous jet skis, and all of them had people hanging off all sides to clean them.

We made our way over to the beach area and saw that they were offering parasailing. I’ve always wanted to go and Bill had been once before, and we thought, when are we going to get the chance to go parasailing in Monaco again? So we made a reservation for the next day. For the rest of our day in Monaco we checked out Monte Carlo, bet and lost 2 euro, and drank 2 $15 Coronas.

Blah blah blah, on to the parasailing day.

When we got there the woman was sewing up our parachute. I was already nervous enough, and this put me just a little over the top. For those of you not familiar with parasailing, the person (or personS) parasailing are towed behind a speed boat with a parachute behind them that lifts them several stories in the air.

Mind you, I’m a wee bit afraid of heights and way more than a wee bit scared of open water, but I knew I had to do this or regret it forever. After the parachute was fixed(!) Bill and I were strapped into harnesses that were then attached to the parachute so we could go tandem. We were placed at the back of a platform that would inevitably spit us into the sea behind the boat we were tied to, and then we were told to hold onto a bar above our heads with one hand, and onto the rope for the parachute with the other. Our guide told us to just watch the boat, run with it, not too fast, but not too slow, and also, good luck.

Bill and I stood poised with our left feet in front of us, me holding on dearly to the appropriate places, and Bill smiling like a goof. As the boat took off so did Bill and I, running about 6 paces before being pulled off the platform and into the air. It was amazing how quickly we gained height, as soon as we were off the platform we were floating up with the parachute.

As nervous as I had been, once we were up I was sold. Parasailing is one of the most exhilerating (while still relatively safe) things in the world. It was amazing to be so high up in the air, over clear blue water, looking over the beach in Monaco.

As you might be able to tell, this experience was one of the highlights of our trip, for me anyway, so far. I think Bill would agree, it was pretty awesome.

We still had a few days left in Nice, and we took advantage by eating some great seafood and hanging around the beach. Our last night there happened to be the same night as a music festival. Throughout the day bands were setting up on various corners of random blocks, and by the time the sun went down there was live music wherever you walked. It was a great night for hearing music and doing a bit of people watching. Bill and I walked down to the beach which is close to the heart of the city, and there were hundreds of young people hanging out on the pebbly beach and the boardwalk above it. Over the sea the huge harvest moon was rising and reflected a bright orange strip on the Mediterranean. The whole night was memorable.

Before we left for Barcelona (where I sit writing this) we found out that there would be another music festival here this evening and from our hotel right off las Ramblas I can hear a drummer warming up, so I think I’ll say good-bye for now...

Cinque Terre

We made it to Cinque Terre pretty easily, it was just a few hours’ drive to Riomaggiore, the southernmost of the 5 towns that we were visiting. Once we found our hotel we took a walk down to the water. Wow. Every direction you can see there is clear aqua water that splashes up against layered rocks. Further inland these same rocks support multi-colored, multi-story buildings that seem to rest on top of one another. It’s really pretty amazing to see in person, I don’t think any of our pictures will do these cities justice.

After an evening of settling in we woke up early to hike from one city to another, a common practice in Cinque Terre. We made the first hike from Riomaggiore to Manarola easily - the path is paved and doesn’t move up and down as (we would learn) the others do.

The second stretch from Manarola to Cornelia was closed for the day due to storms causing the path to be obstructed, so we just took the train about 2 minutes up the coast. The next bit of the hike from Cornelia to Vernazza was noticeably tougher. The terrain is less reliable, lots of loose rocks and muddy puddles, and the path leads up and down hills, so that one minute your wishing for relief from the upward climb, and the next your legs feel wobbly from a steep descent. As difficult as the hike was, the views more than made up for it. Vernazza is gorgeous, and right in the middle of the city is a marina which is flanked by an old church (where a wedding was taking place) and a sort of fort that looks out to sea.

We thought the worst was over with our last hike, but wow were we wrong. The hike from Vernazza to Monterosso was probably the most difficult, if only because we had already been hiking for several hours. It’s a lot like the previous trail, but there are quite a few more stone stairs that were put in probably fairly recently.

On parts of the trail you can see the beach of Monterosso beckoning, and it didn’t take us long to find a place to change into bathing suits and dive into the Mediterranean. The beach is basically rocks, but that didn’t seem to deter any of the people that squished their way into a spot on the beach.

We were so pooped after the hike and our little swim that it took all kinds of energy to order margaritas and drink them, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. Somehow we made it back on the train, but it took a lot of effort. That night we had some average pasta and had a drink while watching the Euro Cup at the only bar in our one-street town.

Our last day in Cinque Terre was a rainy one, so we did some laundry, bought some groceries, and took it easy. Bill came up with a pretty awesome picnic set up for us on our hotel patio, complete with prosciutto, various cheeses, bread, grapes, and wine, and I finally finished my book (Hawaii, by James Michener if you’re wondering - great book). It was such a nice low-key day. I think I’m going to instigate more picnic days like that when we get back to New York.

Watch Your Feet and Drive Me to Firenze!

The title of this post comes from a Phish song that Bill sang often along the streets of Florence. I still haven’t heard the original.

Florence was pretty awesome once we figured out the tiny one-way streets. Until then it was miserable. Our hotel was a small mom-n-pop place that didn’t seem to like when Bill and I would come in any later than 10, which was every night. When we first ventured out we only had to walk about a block to the Duomo, which is huge and awesome.

Throughout our dinner that evening we heard a choir singing so we went to investigate when we finished. We wandered around until we found that the singing was coming from open windows on the second floor of an obscure building. We sat outside listening to this amazing music for about an hour, and slowly more and more people found themselves sitting in awe with us. After one of their songs all of us on the street erupted in applause, and after a moment we heard laughing from inside; I guess they didn’t know they had attracted an audience. As they came out we learned that they were the choir for Il Duomo, and they often rehearse and perform at Sunday mass. We felt really lucky to be in the right place at the right time that night.

The next day we ventured across Ponte Vecchio, an old bridge that spans the Arno River, and made our way to the top of a hill overlooking Florence. We found a nice little spot and Bill enjoyed his new Weezer album while I made more headway in my book. It was a low-key day, but it was perfect for us.

That night we had some incredible food at Il Latini, a restaurant that our friend Lisa recommended. We sat down at a communal table and waited for food to arrive, as there was no menu. Everything was fresh and fantastic, and yes, pretty expensive. It was totally worth it.

On our last full day in Florence we found the Accademie Gallerie where the David is housed. Bill was taken aback by the David. I’d seen it once before, but it never fails to amaze me what a perfect sculpture it is. If you haven’t seen it, it’s much bigger than you would expect, and it’s more detailed than you can imagine. There are veins along the back of the giant hands, muscles are clearly outlined around the whole body, and the whole sculptue is in such perfect proportion it’s hard to believe that human hands created it. I’m tellin’ ya, Michaelangelo - he’s good!

For much of the rest of the rainy day Bill and I had what we call an American day, where we get some kind of take out and watch a movie on the computer, and don’t feel guilty at all. We made it back just in time to miss the downpour, so it was hard to feel bad sitting inside.

That night we had more awesome food thanks to another great recommendation by Lisa. We spent the night wandering around the city, and got ready for our next day of travel...

Ciao Roma!

Ah Roma. What a breath of fresh air after Napoli. We got into the city pretty easily, and no sooner did we check into our hotel than I got us into our first car accident. It wasn’t really my fault, a silly vespa rear-ended our little Peugot while I was driving (of course), and it since it was just a little tap we went our own ways without involving the police.

We did a lot of sightseeing in those first few days, some of it by accident. While searching for a place to eat we ended up at the Pantheon, and later stumbled upon the Trevi Fountain. Both were overrun with tourists, but so cool to see.

Our second day there we made our way to the Colisseum, and then walked through the Palatines and the Roman Forum. It’s pretty amazing to see where Julius Caesar’s tomb is (and also where he was stabbed - it’s now a cat sanctuary in the middle of the city), where slaves and gladiators waited underneath the Coliseum to battle, and who knows how much more history we just wandered right past.

That second night we met up with Jon Piccirillo (pronounced pea-chee-REE-lo), who grew up across the street from Bill’s family and is great friends with his younger brother Joe. He took us to a hole in the wall Italian place that served some of the best food we’d had yet.

The next day we headed for Vatican City, with the Cathedral of San Pietro and the museum that includes the Sistine Chapel. San Pietro is enormous, and houses the Pieta, one of my favorite sculptures by Michaelangelo. We trekked up several hundred stairs to get to the top of San Pietro’s dome, where you can look down on the Basilica, or go outside and see 180 degrees of Rome. It’s a great view that let’s you look down on the Vatican Garden, which there’s no way to see otherwise.

The Vatican Museum gets a little redundant, there’s a lot of similar artwork from the same artists in the same period, so we made it pretty quickly to the Sistine Chapel, where we stood and stared for quite a while. Very impressive that Michaelangelo.

That night we met up with Jon again and he took us to some American bars where we met several of his very nice friends. We ended up at a bar where you must be American to enter, they even check to make sure that noone has an accent as they enter. In New York we would’ve taken one look at this place and ran the other direction, but it was a novelty on the other side of the world. The music was pretty much all Journey and Bon Jovi, and all the characters you try to avoid on a daily basis came together at this bar. As you can tell by this random photo, we managed to have a pretty good time anyway.

Jon offered to let us stay with him in southern Rome for a few more days and Bill and I gladly took him up on his offer. While we were there Bill helped to fix a few things around the apartment, got the toilet running, replaced lightbulbs, and hung an old painting. Jon was nice enough to cook for us several of the nights that we stayed, and took us to an area that no common tourist had seen before. We went to an awesome Italian street market and a quiet park with fantastic gelato. We were supposed to stay 2 nights but ended up hanging around for 4. It’s so nice to see a city from an insider’s point of view, we were really glad we got to stay a bit longer.

Napoli Crapoli

Bill and I arrived in Napoli yesterday. We had finished our attempt up the Amalfi Coast and passed Pompeii and Mount Vesuvius, and were about to descend on Napoli when the crappy google directions told us to get on a highway that didn’t seem to exist. We ended up driving through the center of the city, which only made us determined to never leave our hotel.

Let me start by saying that when we left Porto San Giorgio and told the innkeepers there that we were going to Napoli they gave us a look like we were crazy. This was clearly a sign that we should’ve paid more attention to. Another sign was that the guide book starts the bit on Napoli by saying “Despite its hopeless overcrowding, unemployment and crime rate, Napoli continues to draw visitors.”

Napoli reminds me of Tijuana. The city isn’t cared for - there’s graffiti all over monuments and public statues and there are huge amounts of garbage littering the streets and sidewalks. Driving there is an exercise in futility - no one pays attention to pretty standard laws like the traffic light colors indicate and there are litterally children riding Vespas in and out of traffic. The whole city is just dirty and a little scary, and Bill and I have found our only refuge in our tiny hotel room.

Luckily our hotel had a pool, which was awesome, but unluckily, you are required to wear a swim cap! Which meant, I wasn’t going to go into the pool. Bill decided the humiliation was worth it and popped it on, and he actually looked pretty good.

The second day we were there we ventured out of the hotel to try and find something to redeem the city. We left our hotel and looked down the four different streets we could walk down, and as we made our way down the best looking one, we took this photo. Yes, this is the best of the four directions we could’ve walked down.

We found a little place called Edenlandia, which is a sad little fairground with sub-par rides and questionable food. We wandered around laughing about our predicament, and thanking goodness we would leave for Rome the following day.

OK. Now I have to edit this post because we’ve received word that we were in the crapshoot of Napoli, and there are, in fact, some very lovely areas of the city, particularly near the port. Our friend Jon, whom you’ll read about later is from that area, and he says it’s downright lovely. So maybe head to that area the next time you go to Napoli.

The Amalfi Coast...

...is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m so sad to write that, as it was one of the things I was most looking forward to on this trip. I’d read about the winding drive along the western coast of Italy just below Napoli, and I was so looking forward to taking the gorgeous drive in.

Well. We started on the south end of the Amalfi Coast and were going to go around the whole thing and arrive in Napoli where we had a hotel reservation. The winding roads of the Amalfi Coast are almost as unnerving as the crazy Italian drivers that shared the road with us. Around every turn there seemed to be a Vespa whizzing by, or a huge tour bus squeezing past. I spent the entire trip tense and gasping as we nearly grazed people and cars alike. Bill was driving (thank God), and he did a great job, but it meant that he couldn’t enjoy the views, and I was so white-knuckled and nervous that I couldn’t really either.

I made the executive decision to abandon our plan. I couldn’t imagine sitting through at leat another 2 hours of this mayhem, so I found an alternate route that would take us over the hill to Napoli. The drive managed to get a little worse at that point. The road seemed to get narrower, there were still little Vespas like annoying flies darting around us, and the path ascended very quickly. There were so many points where a ridiculous fence was all that separated the road from the sea hundreds of feet below. I was freaking out, and am so grateful that I had Bill to keep me at least a little sane.

So basically, if you ever want to drive on the Amalfi Coast be sure to have nerves of steel, a strong stomach, and try to come to terms with the very real possibility of a watery or car-mangling death.

Porto San Giorgio

When we left Venice we didn’t have an exact destination; we knew we wanted to drive south down the eastern coast and stop somewhere before crossing Italy to the Amalfi Coast. Well, Bill’s navigational skills didn’t fail us. We ended up in Porto San Giorgio, which is a beautiful coastal town that I wouldn’t mind spending a whole vacation in.

We found a hotel right across the street from the beach and decided to stay for 2 nights. Our room looked out the the ocean, so we left the door to the balcony open while we slept and woke up to see the sun rise over the Adriatic Sea. It was so amazing that the pictures surely won’t do it justice.

We got an early start on the day, which including walking up and down the beach, and then laying around for a few hours. It’s what we in the (vacationing) biz call a ‘big day.’ The beach was pretty nice, but before long clouds rolled in and it started raining a bit, so we ended up at one of the many bar/club/restaurants that line the beach. We’ve realized how much we enjoy taking our time with a meal. It was hard to get used to how slow waitstaff would work when we first got to Europe, but now we realize that there’s just more appreciation for a long meal, and a long sit to relax afterward.

We did a bit of walking to find the internet that evening so we could book our next hotel, and then we went back to the beach for dinner. We were told to go to a seafood resaurant, so we decided to check it out. We sat down, and when the waitress came over we asked for menus and she made it clear that there was no menu and that she didn’t speak any english. We figured out that she offered to bring us a mix of seafood, so we went for it with our fingers crossed. That meal ended up being one of the best we’ve had, with authentic specialties of that area, and all of it delicious.

Is it weird that all of my Italian posts have so much information about food? I’m only human...

Random Driving Notes...

Bill has gotten awesome at driving a stick shift. When we left he had driven his brother Joe’s manual car only a handful of times, but apparently trial by fire has been working pretty well for him. Driving has been working out pretty well for us for the most part, but it’s had it’s share of drawbacks. As a side note, driving on the Autobahn is cool but not that cool. The car can only go about 200 km/h which is about 130 mph, and we never made it above 170 or so, so even when you gun it you can’t go that fast, especially when accomodating the other slower drivers.

As I was saying (writing?), driving does have it’s drawbacks. The worst of these is arriving in a strange foreign city and attempting to find a hotel via crappy google directions. Besides having trouble finding streets or even highways, for that matter, there’s the issue of obeying the traffic laws and navigating the car through narrow one-way streets (or equally narrow two-way streets). It is stressful and annoying. However, when we set out from one city to the next, the trouble is far outweighed by the excitement of getting on the freeway and seeing whatever terrain is around, going at our own pace, listening to our music loud, and having a small oasis in a foreign place.

I think we’re doing pretty good with gas. Our car takes diesel, and while I couldn’t tell you how many litres and kilometers, I can tell you that it costs about $100 to fill the tank, and with that we can go almost 600 miles. It’s been a while since I drove in the states, but I think that’s pretty good.

So that’s it. Just a little note on the driving situation. All in all it’s a great thing, and I’m glad we have our little European Peugeot as our third traveller.

Venezia

Our first stop in Italy was in Venice, but before I even get to that I have to mention the drive there from Munich. We drove south, as we had to get to the castle, but we continued through Austria, which is a beautiful country. On either side of the highway are small towns built on the side of what I think must be the Austrian Alps. Either way, they were huge snow-topped mountains. Every now and then between the villages there would be a run-down castle nestled on the side; it was just so charming.

It was obvious when we were finally in Itlay. The mountains got a little smaller and a lot greener, and the lower parts of the land were laid out like a quilt with divided sections of vineyards. The architecture of the houses changed noticeably too, and the weather cleared up as we got further south. It was probably my favorite stretch of our drive yet.

We stayed in Maestre, which is just outside of Venice, as people had suggested. Great suggestion. We had a nice little square just a few blocks away with restaurants and stores, and tons of people out and about at all hours. That first night we had Italian food and wine, and we were both in heaven. German food is ok, but if you’re not a fan of schnitzel and fries your choices are limited.

The next day we took a bus into Venice. One benefit of being a foreigner is that you can accidentally get away with stuff sometimes. For example, we didn’t pay for the bus, simply because we didn’t know how, and all the observing of other bus-riders didn’t help. If someone had stopped us we would’ve honestly told them that we intended to pay but couldn’t figure it out, but they didn’t, so we got a free ride to Venice.

What a beautiful city. Apparently it’s one of about 40 surviving islands of over 1000 that have sunk in the last few centuries. It’s filled with small walkways, bridges, canals, and millions of tourists. It was nice just getting lost in all the winding streets. I only wanted to see Piazza San Marco, so we took our time getting there.

You might’ve heard about the pigeon situation in the Piazza. I had seen pictures of people with pigeons sitting on their heads in the square, and was disgusted from afar. Well, I was now disgusted right up close. People don’t seem to realize how disgusting pigeons are, and that fact doesn’t change in one random square in Italy. There were people in every corner TRYING to coax pigeons onto their person. There was one girl with them perched on her shoulders and chest. Eew. We walked by a family where the dad was trying to get a pigeon to sit on his terrified daughter’s head, and Bill couldn’t help but shake his head at the dad and say, “Disgusting.” He took it to another level when we passed more tourists doing this and yelled, “You’re feeding RATS!” I think Bill’s and my common distaste for pigeons brought us closer that day.

Later that day we did the inevitable - took a ride in a gondola. We grabbed a bottle of wine and found a gondolier wearing the stripey shirt and straw hat, and hopped into the boat. He took us past a few different sights, Marco Polo’s house, Cassanova’s house, the building in Casino Royale that collapses, all the while telling us little bits of information. He was kind of a quirky guy; he repeated facts and anecdotes verbatim, and Bill and I would just look at each other puzzled and laugh politely. He also sang a little bit, which was a nice touch. Lots of people will say that the gondola ride is a ripoff, and it sort of is, but it really made the visit to Venice complete.

Our second and final day there Bill and I got some lunch and then went our own ways for a few hours. He went back to Venice to get some tax refund thing for his sweet new Italian sunglasses, and I tried to do a little shopping. If you know me well, you can predict that I tried to shop for about a half hour and then went back to the hotel and napped for the better part of the afternoon.

That evening Bill and I tried to see the new Indiana Jones movie, but all over Italy they dub it over in Italian! I don’t know if we’re going to get a chance to see it in the theaters, which will suck. Anyway, it gave us more time to enjoy the best dinner ever. We went to this little tucked away place and had some of the best wine ever (Bill is becomming a conossieur) with the best ravioli ever. Awesome. There are lots of great things about Italy, but the food will always be at the top of that list for me.

Munich

We got to Munich a few days ago, and eased into seeing the city. Both Bill and I have been feeling a little under the weather - it might have something to do with consuming nothing but meat, potatoes, and beer for the last few days. Who knows?

When we finally made it out we went to one of the places I was most excited to see in this whole trip: Neuschwanstein. It’s a beautiful castle on the border of Austria that was built for the king of Buvaria, King Ludwig II. The castle was used as a model when Disney created the castle for Sleeping Beauty, and it is every bit as gorgeous in person as it was in photos.

The drive to the castle is almost as incredible as the castle itself. It looks like the hills from The Sound of Music, and as you get closer there are beautiful views of the snow-capped Alps. It’s a short walk from where you have to park to the front of the castle, and from there you can see idyllic views of Germany stretching out below.

You aren’t allowed to take pictures inside Neuschwanstein as the entire interior is copyrighted by Buvaria (greedy Buvaria), but it’s immaculate. King Ludwig only lived in the house for about 6 months before he died, and they opened it as a museum 6 weeks later, so everything is virtually unused and in its original condition. It’s very lavish, with intricate details that were apparently very modern for the time period. Behind the castle is a waterfall with a bridge spanning the top of it that gave us great views of the castle. I highly recommend visiting there if you’re in the area.

The next few days in Munich we did a lot of walking, mostly in search of the infamous beer gardens that Munich is known for. We managed to find a couple, but none of them had live bands that played the um-pah-pah music I so longed to hear while drinking my beer. I think Bill and I were both hoping for a little more of the Germany we remembered seeing in European Vacation where Chevy Chase dances around to the um-pah-pah music in leiderhosen. Instead we found a metropolitan city with bits of history mixed in.

Our last day we found an awesome beer garden in the English Garden, which is Munnich’s equivolent of Central Park. We sat next to a small lake and enjoyed beer and really great food underneath the massive chestnut trees, and after a while Bill took me for a boat ride in the lake, where he was nice enough to do all the paddling and let me lounge in the front of the boat. I always knew Bill was a pretty nice guy, now I have even more evidence.

Praha

The next stop was Prague. We were only supposed to stay in Prague for 2 nights, but just driving through we decided we needed a third. Then we saw our awesome hotel and decided to stretch it out to 4 nights.

First of all, the city is BEAUTIFUL. I know I’ve written this about other places, but it just gets better and better and has culminated in Prague. As I learned (from Magda, thank you Magda) Prague is one of few cities that was untouched by either of the World Wars, so the architecture is original, and flawless, and gothic, and detailed, and just so beautiful. Every street you walk down you can turn your head and be looking at an old gothic cathedral that’s been there for a long time. Sorry for the ambiguity on the timeline, no bus tours in Prague.

We spent a day wandering around the old city center, with narrow, cobble stone streets all around, and grandiose buildings everywhere we turned. Another day we crossed the Charles Bridge (so beautiful, so many tourists) to go to the Cathedral of St. Vitus. It was pretty rainy that day, and the Cathedral is a dark, gothic structure, that with a bleak, rainy backdrop looks pretty creepy. We made our way up anyway, and got a look at Prague Castle and St. Vitus. We actually went up another million stairs to see out from the top of the Cathedral, and it was amazing. I think we have a picture somewhere...

Our hotel in Prague made Prague that much more awesome. It was actually a suite, so we basically had an apartment, and we even got to do laundry for free. Is that sad that I should get excited about doing my laundry for free on vacation? Anyway, our first night there we asked the concierge where we might go for dinner and drinks. Here is a rundown of the conversation:

Kim: Where should we go for dinner and drinks?

Concierge: Do you like entertainment? (before we can answer) I have just the place, let me call and see if they can seat you tonight.

Bill: What kind of restaurant is it?

Concierge: (Covers the reciever with his hand and gives Bill a knowing smile as he says) Stone Age.

Bill: Stone Age?

Concierge: Stone Age.

We told him we were to pooped for Stone Age that night, but we were lucky enough to get a reservation for our last night in Prague. I was a little nervous, because, well, what the hell is ‘stone age’? Lemme tell you. We walked into the restaurant which was appropriately called ‘Stone Age’, and Bill was grabbed by a scantilly-clad girl with dirt on her face, messy hair, and various animal hides covering her body.

We were pulled to a table and told to write down our order and pound on the table or grunt when we were ready for them to take it. The food was pretty good, nothing to write home about but it wasn’t too bad, and of course, you had to eat it with your hands since there were no utensils in the Stone Age.

It gets better. About halfway through our meal, several (undoubtedly underpaid) cave men came storming through the restaurant, with face paint, and crazy animal hides, grunting at people and certainly creeping a few of us out. They got really into it, making noises at each other and getting into some kind of cave man altercation. They came back a few times, and each time it was a little more involved and strange, especially when they sacrificed a virgin. I’m gonna miss Bill.

Banter with Billy

From a previous comment:

We like your blog, but I have a question for Bill to see if he really means to write anything. How did you lose so much weight and how do you keep it off with all the beer-drinking you two seem to be doing?
Kim's Dad

Well Jim, good question, and let me answer it with another. Why exercise on vacation when you can just make people THINK you do? What I did in the months prior to our departure was to build a series of “mock-ups” or “sets” if you will, of the various places your beautiful daughter and I would be visiting. Right in our backyard in Astoria, NY you could find a fake London Bridge, a fake Eiffel Tower, and a collection of false “canals” to be used as both Amsterdam and Venice, etc. Then I had Kim take pictures of me in front of them all, which was all done on one VERY hectic day (imagine all the costume changes!) before we left.  As you can see in the picture above, my false depiction of Piazza San Marco in Venice looks pretty convincing.

So now, I'm basically about 300 pounds (about 140 kgs for you Europeans) with tons of beer, sausage, and pizza at my fingertips. Honestly, I dont even bother with napkins, I just wear the same clothes every day and let grease dribble down my chin onto my shirt. Thats the beauty, it doesnt matter! Whenever Kim does a blog post I just whip out one of my “vacation pictures”, taken prior to my rise to obesity and post it as if it were present day. It’s what we in the industry call a “smoke screen.” Thanks for your curiosity and I hope I’ve shed some light on my methods. Hope all is going wonderfully with Sheilagh and yourself on the boat! 

-Bill-